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Confused about what we are eating

You know when you start longing for that tantalizing chaat (spicy chick pea snack), dahi baley spicy yogurt with gram flour bits) or gol guppas (hollow crispy balls dipped in tangy syrup) and can’t wait to go to the nearest stall or thaila and have your fill. But then what with all the reports about those strains of hepatitis floating around that comprise a major part of the alphabet. You are torn between either satiating your urges or exercising restraint and saving yourself from a painful trip to the hospital.

Okay, so then you think about treading down the path of packaged goodies and bottled drinks with the hope of ensuring that quality controlled stuff goes down your gullet. But then you are reminded that by consuming international brands such as Coke and Pepsi, you are supporting the capitalist or Zionist agenda and thus would become traitors to your country and religion.

Even with home-cooked meals, in many households food is just not food if not made in desi ghee and you with your low-fat preferences are nothing but a weakling

Confused about what’s ‘in’

Living in Pakistan, one is confronted with so many socio-cultural influences that it becomes a perplexing challenge to identify oneself with what’s the rage and what is passé. As it is, we are already bombarded with tons of images stemming from the Americo-Western and Indian media. The fashion scenes of Paris, Milan, New York and Mumbai perpetuate designs that seem to make no to have no rhyme or reason to us desi paandas. Even something as insignificant as there being two or three buttons on a formal jacket is perceived to serve as a deciding factor in what is in vogue and what is ‘so last year’.

However, even for those attempting to stay true to roots, so to say, and follow the local fashionistas, the Lahore and Karachi clubs distort your senses further. (Was there ever an Isloo fashion scene? I have no idea… )

On a different note, environmental conservation seems to be quite the buzz in various private and public sector projects but the actual implementation seems to just go up in smoke.

Confused about load-shedding

Search google for the term load-shedding and the only references that you shall find would be those made towards Pakistan, with one exception and that is of South Africa. Load-shedding is as Pakistani as you can get and needs no introduction. During the ninetees when this phenomenon erupted, its purpose was usually to address just what the name implied. Decrease the amount of load on the national electrical grid due to power demand during peak hours. However, recently the load seems to have engulfed the entire course of the day and the demand seems to have transformed from being a peak to a plateau. With the real culprit being the diminished production of electricity with regards to the basic requirement of the country, the term would have to be amended to load-bearing.

Confused about the educational system

The educational system in Pakistan is not really a homogenous whole but a hodgepodge of degrees and certifications. Since ever, the mainstream academic levels had comprised of Matriculation, Intermediate and Bachelors. But then along came Senior Cambridge and Higher School Certificate (HSC) as well as the misunderstood Ordinary and Advanced Levels. Initially being exclusive to elite institutions such as Grammar Schools of Karachi and Lahore, Aitchison College and Convent, the alien programs became the sine qua non in English medium schools everywhere.

A decade or two ago, students were all gung ho about specializing in engineering or medicine but then the rage of MBA swept across the entire nation. Masters programs of specific disciplines such as English Literature, History and Psychology became secondary and acquired a disdain from expectant job seekers. Of late, even the full-length degree programs are not sufficient and students hoping to progress to a higher level have to take admission tests to be sorted like wheat from the chaff….

Taxation vexation

The Rain Dance has been a central fixture for a number of Agrarian tribal societies across the world. From the ancient Egyptians to the Native Americans, the ardent followers danced and called upon their gods to open the heavens and shower their blessings upon them. However, it seems as if the Pakistani nation had been dancing to the wrong tune of late, or did not know when to stop. Not only have the heavens unloaded their full bounty upon the unsuspecting lowly denizens of the Land of the Pure, they are being made to partake of their hard earned income and pour it in the government’s coffers in the form of a “Flood Tax”. But this is only the latest entrant in the club of

Now we have all been playing dumb charades with the taxes that we have been paying for years. Central Excise Duty or CED comes off as a sinister and calculating bureaucrat who is always laying out nets to ensnare the hapless taxpayers. However, a couple of years back, it was renamed as the Federal Excise Duty of FED (which is also the name given to the Federal Reserve of the US) The Carbon Tax imposed last year sounds like a menacing axe wielding masked blackguard which goes about slashing the tail pipes of all commuters.

And of course who can forget the General Sales Tax or GST which sounds like a nasty b*tch , exploiting people’s needs and wants. Be it a housewife trying to balance her monthly budget and squeezing in as many groceries as she can in the process, or the average salaried class person struggling to keep the show going for the entire family circus or the pensioned citizen who is persistently trying to keep on, keeping on; they all curse and scream away at the cold-hearted witch that is GST. Yet the powers that be (of which, unlike electrical ones, there never seems to be a shortage of), are trying to present us with a “reformed GST”. Now this is one facelift/makeover that will be hard to stomach.

But wait, there is another vile and despicable tax rearing its ugly head horns and all. The Value Added Tax or VAT seems to portray a repulsive and bulbous creature, akin to the Jabba the Hutt from the Star Wars movies, that feeds and relishes upon the blood and toil of its subjects, or those unfortunate enough to fall prey to its nefarious schemes. The VAT (ughhhh..just gives one the shivers just saying it, like a big VAT of FAT.. hmm maybe this could be used as the Flood Added Tax) is all geared to throw its weight around and demand its bhatta at every stage of the production and processing of goods and services. It is the perfect ill-begotten offspring of the IMF (International Mafia Fund) that is going to be unleashed upon the Paki-land. Just like a cat playing with the mouse it has just caught, before it gobbles it up.

So let’s all make a new dance. A dance to a beat that will try to invoke the mercy of the gods of financial trickery to not rain down upon us a deluge of taxes, surcharges and duties and instead crack open the reservoirs holding the wealth of the nation and let that trickle down to Pakistan’s citizens.